It is difficult for aging parents to see their adult children as anything other than children. Conversely, it is difficult for adult children to perceive their parents as anything other than adults, even when they are behaving like children.
It is this dilemma that makes long-term care of aging parents especially difficult.
We have grown up having been trained to obey our parents. Yet, as parents age there comes that inevitable day when their judgment fails, and they need assistance from their sons and daughters.
It is hard for an aging parent to reveal the intimate details of his or her finances to an adult child. It is hard for an aging parent to take his or her medicines while being reminded by a child, even if that child is an adult. It is hard for an aging parent to be told not to eat so many chocolate bars during the day.
It was our parents who taught us to eat correctly, but as they age the teaching role reverses.
It was our parents who taught us to be independent, but as they age they become more and more dependent. Naturally, aging parents find this process disturbing.
Thank goodness for Bishops. Our LDS parents will often listen to Bishops, even when they will not listen to us, the adult children.
Perhaps the great test of life is to see how we adapt to aging. Can we aging adults learn to accept loving care from our children? Can we adult children make the sacrifices necessary to care for our aging parents? These are challenging questions.
Ultimately, however, even the devoted adult child must realize that often there is point where care for an aging parent must be handed to the professionals. When that happens, it is a difficult day.
These are general issues that I am now facing as I try to care for my aging parents. The experience has been most humbling, forcing me to rely on prayer more than brawn. I find myself praying that my parents will not fall when they stand, even as I hold onto them.
I have found that the magnitude of my worry only amplifies the farther I am away from my parents. I live several states away.
My concerns have to be placed in perspective. There is a gospel plan. We came upon this earth to experience physical mortality, even aging. Aging is NOT fun. But, in the next life that follows we will appreciate eternity as never before. We will appreciate immortality, hard work, challenges, endurance, patience, persistance, and the power of faith.
We are evolving beings in every way possible. Like caterpillars, we transform to something much more beautiful. In our exalted state, we will be like our Father-in-Heaven, as His adult children, and we will be fortunate that He will never age.
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3 comments:
We moved my Dad into assisted living about a year ago after some turbulent times. My Mom died two years ago. We moved him to a place near where I live so I am his primary contact and family caretaker. I must say the experience has been overall very positive. I've never had a close relationship with my Dad. Previous to moving nearby, he lived far away and I rarely even talked with him. Now I talk with him every day and visit often. I take care of his needs and he is very warm and appreciative. I am glad to have the opportunity to develop a relationship before he passes on.
Stan:
I am glad that it could be a positive experience for you.
I think this is exactly what the commandment "honor your father and your mother that your days may be long on the land that the Lord thy God shall give thee" is meant to address.
My mom is taking care of her mother at home and I learn by watching her how to take care of aging parents.
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