Author: Unknown [with a few additions by S.Faux]
Preface: I have loved the satire and friendly humor of "What if Dr. Seuss Wrote the Book of Mormon?" that has been posted all over the internet. To the best of my knowledge the author is unknown, and I presume the piece is in the Public Domain and can be altered. Consequently, I made some changes to the piece, mainly to fill in some gaps. If I have trespassed onto someone's property in this post, please let me know.
Actually, I made these changes to teach my Son#1 the Book of Mormon in an entertaining manner while he was serving in the Middle East for the Army a couple of years ago. I thought the additions were funny, and I am hoping readers of "Mormon Insights" will think so too.
Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born. I never drank. I never swore. This is Lehi. He's my Dad. Brothers, Laman, Lemuel, they are bad. And who is this? Why this is Sam. Yes, this is Sam!
Sam: Sam I am.
Laman: Sam I am? Sam I am? I do not like that Sam I am.
Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt.
Laman: The tent is HOT and I will melt.
Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack.
Laman: Jerusalem is better. I'm going back.
Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear.
Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here.
Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away. Now all you want to do is stay?
Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way.
Laman: Look! Now we stay in this damp cave.
Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave.
Nephi: I will go and I will do. An angel gives to me a cue. Laban had too much to drink. Now he'll lose his head, I think.
Servant of Laban: Here’s the treasury. Here’s the coffer. The brass plates to thee, I do proffer.
Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum!
Sam: We will take him home. We will call him Zoram.
Lemuel: Oh great! My sisters will adore him. I’d rather live in Orem.
Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent. I do not like it in this tent.
Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona. Oh, yeah, I drunk too much Corona.
Nephi: A beer! A beer! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
Laman: We hate it here, We have no lives.
Lehi: Then go back and get some wives.
Nephi [to Laman]: Have ye forgotten the angel of the Lord?
Laman [to Lemuel]: Shut up Nephi with this cord. Take him, and bind him to that board.
Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree. The fruit is white. The fruit is free. A floating building, could it be? Why are people laughing and staring at me? Laman, Lemuel, come and see.
Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit.
Lemuel: And, I’m not wearing a white shirt and suit!
Laman: We will not even help you build your boat.
Lemuel: We do not think it will even float.
Laman: No not this boat, it will not float, not even in a shallow moat. I do not care what Nephi wrote.
Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say.
Sam: You would rather runaway.
Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent -- not even if your clothes you rent.
Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam. We will not eat it, Sam I am.
Sam: You do not like it, so you say. Try it, try it, and you may.
Laman: Sam, leave us be, and we will try it. You will see.
Laman & Lemuel: Say, we like this fruit of life. Sorry that we caused such strife. Thank you, thank you, Sam I am.
Public Domain, Primary Author: Unknown with additions by S.Faux (Email: foxgoku54 [at] gmail [d0t] c0m; URL: http://mormoninsights.blogspot.com). Readers may distribute this post for noncommercial purposes.
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2 comments:
Caution, lame rhyming comment coming:
I love your posts Mormon Insights,
I like to read them day or nights
(as soon as my boss is out of sight.)
I read them here,
I read them there,
I read them in my underwear!
I think that might be the first time someone mentioned their underwear on your blog....hehehe
Son #1
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