Subway's Sandwich Subterfuge and a Spousal Squabble

It was Saturday March 7th and my wife and I had driven halfway across the state to see my 14-year old son's performance in a bi-state competition for High School show choir. Later that day upon the return trip my wife and I (the son was on a school bus) stopped at a Subway sandwich shop. Plastered all over the shop was "Any is Back."

I love Subway sandwiches (subs), and the "Any is Back" ad pitch suggests that customers can get "ANY" footlong sub for five dollars – as long as one knows that "ANY" applies only to a "regular" sub. One must look long and hard to decipher the word "REGULAR" in the advertising.

How does any of this relate to marriage? Well, let me tell you that in my family it does.

My wife has learned over the years that I like cheap dates. Hmmm, maybe I need to come up with a better word than "cheap." The point is that I don't want to spend much money when I take her out. So, we often eat at Subway, and we really like the five-dollar footlongs that we can split. Additionally, she will order a "water" and I will order a soda, making the total cost seven dollars plus change.

The problem is that we can never agree on which sandwich to order. She likes "chicken teriyaki" and I like "spicy Italian." She likes mayonnaise, and I like vinegar and oil. She likes green peppers and I like HOT peppers.

With all these disagreements, we compromised and ordered a footlong steak and cheese. Because I am a gentleman when it comes to sandwiches, I let my wife decide what to put on the footlong sub. Or, maybe she just took the initiative while I was briefly in the restroom.

When the bill was paid I was surprised that the total bill came to nine dollars and change. We asked the cashier to explain the bill, and the cashier said we had ordered a premium sub instead of a regular. A premium costs way more than the five dollars of a regular. So much for "ANY."

OK, so the extra cost was only two bucks. But, my meal was practically ruined, because instead of concentrating on my sandwich I went into scientific analysis mode. I examined the "Any is Back" advertising and determined that one had to have a magnifying glass or twist one's head to the side in order to find the small word "regular" on their postings. Further, one had to know what the word "regular" meant. I could not find a strong distinction between regular and premium subs on the menus.

My poor wife was just trying to enjoy her "steak and cheese" before the toasted bread became cold, but, of course, I was complaining about the misleading advertising, feeling cheated out of two bucks.

My wife's mouth was full, but I think I heard her say, "Whiny is Back!"

OK, I am full of vinegar and oil, but I hate bait and switch sandwiches. As a strong believer in free enterprise, maybe I need to start eating at Quiznos.

How much I have to learn. The next day, Sunday, I taught chapter 29 in the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church manual: "Living with Others in Peace and Harmony." I am sure I taught that lesson in a pious manner, not realizing (until now) how much I personally needed that lesson.

In any case, I am confident there must be "sub" shops in heaven. I am less sure, however, whether there is a heavenly blog where I can write whiny reviews like this one.

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Copyright 2008 S.Faux (Email: foxgoku54 [at] gmail [d0t] c0m; URL: http://mormoninsights.blogspot.com). Readers may distribute this post for noncommercial purposes provided such distributing is of the entire post, including author's copyright and contact information. All other rights reserved.




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